Karmic Responsibility

In Love with Another Man: Jazmine Sullivan

This song doesn't apply to me, but it does something to a person that tricks you into thinking that it is somehow relevant to you. And if it is only a little bit true, that makes it all the more convincing.

Especially when she gets to apologizing in the song; it's so heavy and so dramatic, you forgive her even though she's not really talking to you.

And forgiveness is a funny, funny thing. It's fleeting and evasive but always around somewhere, almost as if to tease you.

I feel like I'm being teased. At times, I see it clearly and I forgive and I feel fine. I feel unburdened because anger is a heavy load to bear. Then at other times, when I am giving the solace of my own company, I feel just as bitter and even try to tell myself that I am entitled to my anger.

And I am entitled to it. I am entitled to feeling angry and betrayed but I am not entitled to keep malice on my mind such that I wish bad things for other people.

I am hard of forgiving like folks are hard of hearing. I almost can't do it at all. But I have learned from some people that forgiveness doesn't mean you forget or you are ever fully repaired or you forget how it hurt. It means you let it go. You don't add it to the tally of things done against you in life.

It's hard though because being bitter does taste sweet. But it ain't right.