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Arbitration


"Heaven Only Knows" by John Legend


...heaven only knows / heaven only knows...


I am sitting in this Art History 104 class, an important class to complete for my psychology major.  I almost didn't get into it and this professor was so kind as to give me an override and register for this class.

It was a struggle to get into this class because, although it was offered at many times, I had to pick a time that would not interrupt my work schedule (don't worry boo! I'ma tell you about my job!).  My job is quite flexible about accommodating my class schedule.  However, I don't want my hours to dwindle and reduce that fat check boo.

Today, I finally finished registering.  I have one class on Monday, Art History, and four classes on Tuesdays and Thursdays.  Yes, that leaves Wednesdays and Fridays completely open.  I will be using those days as reading days in the morning before and after work.

So I am here sitting in this Art History class, which I was a little excited about.  I am an inconspicuous artist and of course I love history.  What better combination could there be than art and history?  What could be more interesting than to learn what cultural, religious, political, economic, and social circumstances that create and influence art?  I would be enthralled to learn about the way art has changed over centuries, how different artists influence one another, how art is an ancient, eternal, and universal conversation amongst human beings.

It ain't like that.

First of all, my professor is kind of a prick.  She's a young professor, probably an artist herself, extremely controlling, has too many rules, and is generally annoying.  Her most absurd rules are that you cannot use/have a laptop or cell phone in class.  Harmless right? But wait.  If you do use one of these two things, you will be permanently dismissed from class with a grade of W or F.

Heffah say what?

I agree with the no cell phone policy.  All these ringtones and collective vibrating is extremely distracting in class.  It also extremely offensive to the professor whose job it is to facilitate the acquisition of knowledge.  This job can only be performed if students pay attention and participate.

But to dismiss people from class? Absurd! This is college and this is typically a course taken late in one's college career by us non-art majors (because everybody waits until their last semester to complete their art credit).  We are adults and deserve some autonomy in our classes.  If taking notes on my laptop is the way I choose to catalog my notes, I should definitely be able to do so.  I find it insulting.  We pay to attend these classes and most of us are experienced enough in the academic field to use the form of note-taking and class participating that will most optimally facilitate our learning.

I kept giving her this side-eye/I-want-to-slap-you look.  I wish she would "permanently dismiss" me from her class.  I will permanently dismiss her from life. #andthatsreal

And this class is 2 hours and 45 minutes long, which I thought would be fine, but her rules and this dry ass material is killing me.  Of course, it is all the history of European art.  No colored folks up in chyea.  Shocking.

Please let me get an A in this class God.  My coursework will be remarkable as always but my attitude could be rank.  I believe professors dock some points for attitude.  I could come out of pocket and tell her about herself.  Don't get it twisted.  They have egos too.

Get Off My Line

"Don't Take It Personal" by Monica

... it's just one of them days / that a girl goes through / when i'm angry inside / don't wanna take it out on you / it's just one of them days / don't take it personal / i just wanna be all alone...

I have a confession.  I created a twitter account...and I love it.  I am not sure what twitter's appeal is, even though I am using it, but I am a little addicted.

I even configured my phone to be able to text twitter an update that will show up online without actually having to go online using my phone, although I can if I want to.  Dope, huh?

Twitter is interesting to me because I like reading the random thoughts people have.  What one says on twitter is without parameter so people "tweet" random existential questions, observations, opinions, wishes, etc.  It is quite interesting.

And then there is the feature of tweeting "@" particular users or commenting on #trending topics within the twitter community.

I follow CNN and NPRnews on twitter which is great.  I get little snipbits of information about particular issues or occurrences with links to a more explanatory site.

Tweeting is very much of a guilty pleasure for me.  I have been complaining of late how technology is taking over my life and making me anxious.  Between texting, email, and phone calls coming through my phone, I feel tied down to something.  Every time I move, my phone must be accounted for so as not to miss anyone trying to reach me.  I am a slave to the thing.

I have to be 100% available 100% of the time.  If you don't answer a person in a timely manner, you must be dying.

But really, I just don't want to be that available.  When the phone goes off, I almost always check it of course, as some situations are more pressing than others.  When a friend is having less than satisfactory day, we converse and I provide encouragement.

However, of late, when the phone rings, I am immediately anxious.  I have so many people and things I participate in my life that seem to be constantly reaching out to me, constantly needing me.

And I feel so bad.  I feel obligated to answer and respond all the time, so as not to offend anyone or neglect anyone or skip out on my responsibilities.

I almost want to get another phone number and only give it to the people that I don't mind texting, emailing, talking to...the people who don't make me nervous...so that I can turn the other phone off and enjoy silence and peace of mind.

I can't wait to visit Sierra Leone and leave all electronics behind and live in the quiet we have disrupted with technology

...a simple kind of life...

Tear Asunder Your Illusions


 "Off The Wall" by Michael Jackson


...you can shout out all you want to / 'cause there ain't no sin in folks all gettin' loud / if you take a chance and do it / then they're ain't no one who's gonna put you down...


I took my braids out yesterday and washed it to reveal my natural little afro.  I was quite excited.  I can't really explain how I felt other than liberated.

I felt free of a lot of toxins, free of a lot of expectations, and free of a lot of nuisance.

I am sure that people will respond to me differently.  There is something considered to be intimidating or even haughty about natural haired women.  Women with natural hair are typically "conscious" and consciousness can sometimes connotate a haughtiness.

But I don't think haughtiness is accurate.  Something happens in you when realize how much the institutions of this civilizations lie to you, how impossible they try to make it for the common man, how they distract you so as not to allow you to notice the emptiness of this life and try to fight against it.  So you may be angered, irritated, underwhelmed with your life, frustrated with the blind people around you.  Maybe it is haughtiness.  Whatever.

Nonetheless, I felt electrified.  I know some people won't find me as attractive.  I know that certain type of men won't approach me (Hallelujah).  It's amazing, really.

I do feel a little self conscious.  I have lost the lustrous curly stands and other Caucasian knock off styles that people admired.  I miss the hair on my shoulders in some moments.  However, as I transition into this person who doesn't give a shit about what people think of her, who is doing it for Africa (everyday), who wants to let go of this materialistic, disillusioned, inauthentic, convoluted way of living to return to complex simplicity, who is preparing for daughters and the story of beauty I will be and teach them, I also gain confidence.  I'm happy to be natural and know what I know and to have realized what I have realized.

Lastly, it's just hair.  It is just a protein filament that grows out of our heads.  Civilization and culture happened and it became a way of expressing something, which is fine.  However, as usual, we have taken it too far.  It is a mode of expression but it is not our only mode of expression.


So Zainab, do what you do with this new do.  You are beautiful.


Zainab --> doing it for Africa since 1987.