Keep Me Where the Light Is

"Gravity" by John Mayer
...gravity...is working against me...

I keep doing stupid things. I keep calling him or emailing him or rehearsing a phone call or mentally writing an email. I keep messing up. I keep dragging it on.

I told him that I'm not trying to drag this on. My actions indicate otherwise.

I'm not trying to drag this on. I'm trying to walk away; trying not to make us the end of me. But I keep doing stupid things.

I keep crying; like a bitch. I reprimand myself for crying and then I cry because I reprimanded myself. And then the songs on my iTunes start arguing. Lyfe Jennings hands me a tissue and tells me my tears are cathartic. He says God is counting my tears and will replenish my spent energy with happiness.

Toni Braxton hugs me and says I must let it go. I must let him go. She says that all of him Will escape in my water.

R. Kelly croons that I am sinking to rise no more. And as the cold tears gather around me, I realize I am losing the energy to swim. I'm not going to make it.

Mary J. Blige stays up late with me every night. We cry and scream, cuss and shout, sleep and get some peace of mind, and sit in silence while I go down and pretend not to cry.

John Mayer tells me about myself; calls me out; blows away my smokescreen of lies and sets up the most unforgiving mirror. I get angry and I change the song, but his words are intrusive and relentless.

Lauryn says that love is just like water: replenishing and deadly like shit.

Mariah doesn't do a damn thing but put on her tragedy and make me cry. Then when I begin to reprimand myself, she pushes Jazmine Sullivan on the stage.

Jazmine don't do nothing but tell the truth and spell G-o-s-p-e-l. I am sad when she sings but I dare not cry. I feel like she can hear me and will reprimand me before I can reach for the tissue box that is already soaked from the water I have caught in my hands.