Yes, I Was the One...Keyword: Was

"Where Does the Good Go" by Tegan & Sara

...where do you go with your broken heart in tow? / what do you do with the left over you?..

I literally just walked in from working out at the gym with a new friend of mine.

I met her the day after I wrote a blog about my addiction to 7/11's cupcake cappuccino. Of course, the day after I have admitted to my addiction, they didn't have cupcake cappuccino! So I had to settle for French vanilla, which, after I doctored it up, wasn't that bad.

We randomly started chatting about school and how we needed this coffee, the line was too long, I liked her boots, she like my peacoat, xy and z.

I discovered that she is a transfer student and she doesn't really know people. Being the mother I am, I felt I had to help her start a social network. So we exchanged numbers and went to Yoga the next morning (she put me on to the most amazing activity every).

Today, we had dinner together, hung out idly, and then we went to work out! I ran about 3/4 of a mile and walked half a mile. I know, it's negligible, but I'm working up to greatness.

The point is, I feel really accomplished (along with the test I pray I Aced today). I made resolutions and new promises to myself and God and I am keeping them. I am also being realistic and counting on the fact that there will be bad days and I won't be able or won't want to maintain this regimen. I will not beat myself about those days or allow myself to fall off completely after missing a couple of days.

There will be no 3 West this year or ever again.

Bad Education

"Come Close" by Common ft. Mary J. Blige

...come close to me baby / let your love shine through...

I have inadvertently developed a semi-serious addiction to 7/11's cupcake cappuccino. I also add about half a cup of regular coffee to it for an extra kick, two shakes of amaretto flavored cream, and 5 packs of regular sugar.

It is not a game. It tastes really, really good. I hate the taste of coffee and no matter how much regular coffee you add to this cappuccino, it's cupcakery goodness remains intact.

My auntie in Delaware developed a serious addiction to coffee in the last year. When she, her husband, and my cousin visited, she bullied my Dad into going to Wawa to get her some one morning and I reprimanded her, disgusted.

Now, on any given day, you can catch me at the 7/11 on Main Street, scratching my neck, very irritable, standing in some long line (because all the 7/11's all up in through this campus ALWAYS only have one cashier), waiting to pay for my coffee/cappuccino concoction.

And the crash afterwards is not enough to discourage me. I can barely walk back to the apartment from the library after hours of studying and the devastating effects of the coffee crash. But I would rather die than give up the addiction.

Additionally, I feel like an adult now. I do believe it is arbitrary things like drinking coffee, falling asleep sitting totally erect in waiting rooms, joints cracking while doing simple activities, tiring at the idea of going out, etc. that makes you an adult. Not actual responsibilities.

When is the War?

"Come to Me" by Mary J. Blige

...that was love / that was then / that was us / miracles / I changed you / you changed me / this is how these things go...

I had to go buy a journal. I write an enormous amount of something. I don't know if it's literature or crap or idleness. But whatever God would categorize it as, I produce a lot of it. Of late, I have been slipping into peculiar, random, and seemingly unprovoked episodes of melancholy that no catharsis can affect.

The thought occurred to me one day, while watching Grey's Anatomy, that maybe I need to revert to my more private, candid, and crazy form of writing. Meredith (on Grey's Anatomy) gave her best friend Christina her late mother's journal to read for her, I guess to screen it for any unbearable content. I saw the journal and understood the concept of having multiple journals, systematically documenting your person.

So I rushed to Barnes & Nobles one morning when I should have been on the way to the library and bought this beautiful, cobalt, leather bound journal with an intricate design on the front centered by a quote that reads: Like all great travelers, I have seen more than I remember and I remember more than I have seen.

That is some truth for that...this is exactly how my mind works. The thin line, the intersecting gates, the meshed fabric of fantasy and reality make me the fruit basket I am.

I write in this magic cobalt book so as to make my blues cobalt too.